The Disorganized Organization
by FEARFAN
Summary: You thought Organization XIII was organized? Hell no! Read this one-shot and see just how retarded everyone is! Rated M for Sexual themes, bodily movements, Strong Language, gay humor....you know what im just going to say all of the above.


_PLOT OVERVIEW: Organization 13 is just beginning to form itself. Right now the Nobodies have been recruiting as many nobodies as they can find. They have just finished constructing the building in the "World that Never was." Who would have known how disorganized they actually were in the beginning._

_Credit to some of the dialogue and events go to my brother Nick._

_Organization Meeting room (The room with the extremely high chairs in KH2: Final Mix+) All of the nobodies are doing their own thing while Xemnas is talking. Namine is present also hanging out on Roxas' seat._

"Alright people." Xemnas said. "Everyone calm down."

Xemnas watched as no one was listening. Axel was hitting on Roxas who was hitting on Namine. Xigbar and Luxford played cards. Marluxia was intently watching a plant grow in a pot. Larexene was filing her nails. Demnyx was playing System of a down's "Cigaro" on his sitar. Zexion was reading a book and trying to keep himself from going insane from the bickering and stuff among everyone else. Xaldin was poking Vexen who was screaming like a girl. Of course anyone would if a lance was pierced into them. Lexasus was busy sharpening his Tomahawk making a loud annoying noise. Only Saix seemed to be paying attention.

"Hey Roxas, how about you and me get something to eat after the meeting?" Axel asked Roxas ignoring Xemnas.

"Hang on for a minute Axel." Roxas said. "Namine. What a lovely name."

"You cheated Luxford." Xigbar shouted.

"I did not!" Luxford shouted as he and Xigbar played cards. "You're the one who kept saying hit me."

"Hit you?" Xigbar asked. "OKAY!"

Xigbar smacked Luxford.

"Dammit Xigbar!" Luxford said. "When I say hit me, I mean…"

"OKAY!" Xigbar shouted smacking him again. Luxford just stared at him.

"I swear to god if you do that again, I will kill you."

"Xaldin stop poking me!" Vexen shouted.

"Hey guys!" Xaldin shouted. "I guess Vexen is a girl!"

"You are gay as fuck Xaldin!" He shouted. "Stop making fun of my looks!"

"What looks?" Axel said. "I'm the best looking here!"

"Nuh Uh!" Larexene shouted. "That's me!"

"How so?" Axel said.

"I have breasts." Larexene said. "That automatically qualifies me as the best looking."

"Hey what about me!?" Namine asked in anger.

"Flat chested!" Larexene said.

Namine looked at her chest and then covered her chest with her arms from embarrassment.

"Grow…faster!!!" Marluxia screamed at the plant.

"Dude your gay." Xigbar said.

"In denial! With a cruel regulator smoking Cigaro, cigaro cigar! My cock is much bigger than yours!" Demyx sung.

"Is not!" Lexasus yelled.

"It's…it's just a song Lexasus." Demyx said.

"So you want to have a manhood test huh?!" Lexasus shouted unbuckling his jeans. "We'll gaze upon this!"

Lexasus pulled down his pants to reveal his balls in front of the entire organization.

"Oh my god…it's….it's…its small." Axel said.

"Oh my god they are." Xigbar said.

Lexasus looked around in what he perceived as embarrassment.

"So that Tomahawk does compensate for something." Roxas said.

"Yeah my cock is way bigger than that." Demyx said, pulling down his pants.

Everyone gasped when Demyx said.

"No fucking way!" Xaldin shouted.

"It's bigger than mine!" Luxford said.

"People please." Xemnas said. "We have a meeting to do."

"So what are you doing after the meeting?" Larexene asked Demyx.

Lexasus pulled his pants up and buckled them and then went to sharpen his Tomahawk. Demyx did the same and then began to play Cigaro even louder to pick on Lexasus.

"My cock is much bigger than yours! My cock can walk right through the…"

Lexasus grabbed his Tomahawk and whacked Demyx right off his seat.

"Hooollllyyyy sshhhhiiitttt!!!!!!" He screamed as he fell down the ground. "Nnnnnooooo Hhhhooommmooo Llleeexxxxaaassuuussss!!!"

"Roxas!" Axel said. "Stop hitting on Namine! I thought it was just you and me!"

"What!?" Namine shouted.

"Nothing." Roxas said. "Axel's just being a total homo."

"Oh my god." Xemnas said in disgust. "I cannot wait to sell out this organization after we complete Kingdom Hearts and then me and my gay lover Saix will rule all of the worlds."

"Indeed sir…wait what!?" Sai'x said.

"Nothing." Xemnas said. "People let's get this underway."

Everyone was still doing whatever.

"PEOPLE!!!" Xemnas shouted. "IF NONE OF YOU CALM DOWN THIS INSTANT, THERE WILL BE NO MORE DONUTS ON FRIDAYS!!"

Everyone immediately went to their seats all calm and perfect (except for Demyx who was still shimming up to his seat).

"Wow I had no idea how many people love donuts." Xemnas said.

"We have donuts!?" Demyx asked.

Sai'x took off his shoe and threw it at Demyx, knocking him off the pole to his seat.

"God damn it!" Demyx shouted as he fell again down to the surface.

"Oooohhhhh…." Xemnas said. "I love it when you hurt people."

"God damn it not you too!!" Sai'x said. "Stay focused."

"Right right right…." Xemnas said. "Staying focused. All right people. It is getting near the end of the year and so far the organization is doing well. Now I would like to vote a new leader."

Everyone gasped.

"What!?" He said. "I figured we give someone else a try. You have any idea how much paperwork I have to fill out and file. It is a shit load of work. Sure whatever you say is law. But it doesn't make it any less harder to work out. So I'd like to step down a bit and let someone else to do the hard work while I rest. So…any volunteers?"

"Ohhh ohhh ohhh…" Demyx said.

"Anyone EXCEPT Demyx." He said.

"What?" He said. "I'm strong."

"You can't even defeat the Seeker of Darkness!" Xemnas said. "Everyone else here could rape him if they choose."

Everyone gasped again.

"Not literally." He said.

Everyone sighed.

"What about Sai'x?" Luxford asked.

"Well I was thinking about that," Xemnas said. "But my office has a window. And we all know what happens when Sai'x sees the moonlight."

Everyone remembered when Sai'x accidently saw the moonlight. He grabbed his large weapon and began destroying the fortress, resulting in a four week repair period where the other nobodies had to rebuild everything (you thought Organization 13 was going to do any work?)

"He turns into a werewolf!?" Demyx asked.

Sai'x took off his other shoe and hit Demyx off of his seat again. Everyone stopped as they watched Demyx climb up the pillar back to his chair.

"Yes!" Xemnas said. "I love it when you hurt people!"

Sai'x simply stared at Xemnas.

"You know Vexen this is exactly why we made you make Xion." Sai'x said. "There are too many guys in here and too many of them are gay! There needs to be more chicks in here!"

"No seriously guys." Demyx said when he got back up. "Does Sai'x turn into a werewolf when he sees the moonlight?"

Xemnas just stared at Demyx.

"You know what Demyx." Xemnas said. "Sure; That's exactly what happens."

"Is that why your shut in all the time with only Xemnas' gay jokes to keep you company??" Demyx asked.

"Why you little…" Saix said reaching for another shoe (Of which he had none). "Huh? Where's my shoes….oh right."

"You can use mine." Xemnas said. "You'll just have to get it off yourself."

"Why thank you Xemnas…hey wait a minute?!" Sai'x said.

"Gay." Luxford said as he was playing Blackjack with some Gambler nobodies while listening. "Hit me."

"OKAY!" Xigbar said, whacking Luxford across the face.

"GOD DAMN IT!!" Luxford shouted, diving on top of Xigbar and knocking him off his chair.

"Mother fu…." Xigbar screamed as he descended into the abyss.

Xemnas put his hands over his head trying to keep cool while Sai'x repeatedly smashed his head into a wall trying to avoid going insane.

"You know what." Xemnas said. "Take five people. No one is concentrating."

All the Nobodies teleported back to respective rooms; except for Namine.

"Guys?" She asked. "Guys! Seriously guys I can't teleport. Don't leave me here. I have to go the bathroom!"

No one came back.

"Fuck." She said twisting her legs. "What am I supposed to do now?"

_One hour later. All of the Nobodies teleport to their respective seats._

"Okay people." Xemnas said. "Let's get back on topic. So…"

"Emergency!" Namine shouted while twisting her legs and having hand heavily pressed on her bladder.

"Namine whatever it is, it can wait!" Xemnas said.

"No it can't." Namine said.

"Nobody cares." Xemnas says. "Heh heh. Nobody. That's funny cause that's also us."

Everyone was silent.

"Lame." Vexen said.

"Alright." Xemnas said. "Now who wants to be leader?"

"ME!" Axel shouted.

Everyone looked at each other. Everyone then burst out laughing.

"Your kidding right!?" Vexen hollered.

"Oh my god he thinks he can lead." Xaldin said.

"Yeah Axel you really do suck at leading really…anything!" Roxas said.

"Ha ha ha…Oh god bladder bursting." Namine said as she quickly grabbed secured her grip on her bladder.

"Your even worse of a leader than I could ever be." Xigbar said as he tried to stay on his chair.

"Okay then." Xemnas put on a list. "So far that's Sai'x, Axel, and Xigbar who are incompetent."

"WHAT!?" Xigbar shouted. "I didn't even have a chance yet."

"Should have never said what you said earlier." Xemnas said.

"Hey guys what's going on?" Xion said as she popped in a door at the bottom of the room. Vexen teleported from his chair to where Xion was.

"Back in your room young lady!" He said.

"Oh come on!" She said. "I'm a member too! I want to be important! Look at Namine!!"

Vexen looked up and noticed Namine was there; fidgeting repeatedly.

"Namine is here?" He said. "What is she doing here?"

"Come on dad." Xion said. "let me be important for once."

"BACK TO YOUR ROOM!" He shouted.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!" She screamed as she ran to her room. "WWWWWAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Vexen just stared as the girl closed her door.

"Poor girl." He said. "Never had a mother."

"No shit!" Xemnas said. "BACK ON TOPIC!"

Vexen teleported back up to his chair.

"How about me?" Xaldin asked.

"Heh heh heh…" Axel snickered. "You'd get pissed off and then destroy the headquarters."

"He has a point." Sai'x said. "Xaldin does have anger issues."

"Xaldin is out then." Xemnas said.

"What about me?" Luxford said.

"Last time you were the leader for the time, you spent the entire budget from the Organization to go to Vegas." Zexion said.

"Hey!" He shouted. "I won it all back."

"The IRS almost put an audit on the building." Zexion shouted.

"Okay two questions:" Roxas said. "1. How the hell does the IRS know where this place is? And 2, why would let them put an audit on us anyway?"

"Key guy raises a point." Larexene said.

"Zexion!" Xigbar shouted. "Let's have Zexion be leader!"

"Wait…what?" he said.

"Yeah he would work out lovely." Larexene said.

"Meh, whatever." Luxford said.

"Yeah Zexion is good." Axel said. "He's got every qualifications of a leader: Brains, business related skills, he's competent. He'd be perfect."

"I got to piss!" Namine shouted. No one heard her of course.

"Wait don't I have a say in this!?" He said.

Everyone ignored Zexion as they talked among themselves.

"Very well then." Xemnas said. "Zexion you're the new leader for the next six months."

Everyone looked at Zexion's chair to see that he had left, with an "Out to Lunch" sign, and the figure of Zexion running away from the base on the bridge. Everyone just watched for about five minutes till he ran into the Dark city and vanished from site.

"Is it lunch time already?" Xigbar said.

"NO!" Everyone shouted.

"How about Marluxia?" Sai'x said.

"Yes." He said while staring at his plant still. "I could be an effective leader. GROW FASTER DAMN IT!"

"Yeah…" Xemnas said. "I don't want Nobodies to think everyone in the organization is gay. They might think we're some gay pride community."

"Umm…I don't think we can get any gayer." Roxas said, using his Keyblade to keep back Axel.

"Come on Roxas it's a part of life." Axel said.

"No thanks!" he said, using his strength to fling Axel out of the window. Axel was shot straight from where he was into a nearby building, making an Axel shaped hole on the top of it.

"How if I take over?" Larexene said. "This place needs a woman's touch."

Everyone stared at her. Everyone knew what her "woman's touch" meant.

"You know I think we're just going to mark you off after we remembered what happened last time you gave something a woman's touch." Xemnas said.

"My ass still has the electrical burns!" Demyx shouted.

"Hey what about…" Roxas began.

"NNNOOO!!" Everyone shouted.

"Aaahhh…" Roxas moaned. "Gay."

"How about Lexasus?" Sai'x asked.

"I bash people's heads in." He said. "I'm not cut out to be a leader."

"And I research things and make puppets." Vexen said.

"Fair enough." Xemnas said. He then began to check over his list to be sure he didn't miss anyone. He saw everyone had their issues (except for Roxas; they just didn't like him).

"Well that's everyone so I guess no leader change." Xemnas said. He then sighed for a minute. "Great! Paperwork! Here I come! On to next point in topic: Our budget. Now we have noticed that profits within the organization have plummeted severely. Now I'm sure everyone knows or is currently guessing right now on who the culprit is."

Xemnas noticed that several people were currently eying Luxford right now.

"But sadly…" he said. "It's not just Luxford who's been dipping in. Everyone has been doing something with our cash in hands lately. So will pick the ones who have spent the most: Demyx, you ordered forty five feet deep pool for the Dark City."

"So we have swimming available." Demyx said with a loud voice.

Xemnas stared at him and read down the list.

"Umm…" he began. "Axel, you bought ice cream because?"

"Because who doesn't like ice cream!?" He shouted as he jumped back in the room.

"Axel it all melted the moment you touched it." Xemnas said.

"Oh right…" He said. "Ice cream melts. Wait a second! ICE CREAM! That's it! It's all so obvious now! I…"

Sai'x had just about enough of everyone's stupidy so he jumped over to where Axel was and whacked him in the face. Axel flew out the window again and smashed into the same Axel shaped hole he made earlier.

"I am getting really sick and tired of everyone…I'm floating above a cliff aren't I?" He said and then asked.

Everyone nodded their heads.

"Fuck." He said before falling into the abyss. Everyone simply stared at him.

"You know I always wanted to ask why we put these seats so high above the ground?" Vexen asked. "It seems like a real safety hazard."

"Who ordered forty five million new books?" Xemnas asked.

"That was me." Zexion said as he came back.

"WHY!?" Xemnas shouted.

"Because I read all of them here already." He said.

"Zexion!" He shouted. "The places on the realms of light called public libraries are called public for a reason!!!"

"But then I'd look like a nerd." He said.

"YOU ARE A NERD!!!" Xigbar shouted.

"Okay then." Xemnas said. "Now Luxford, as if we don't already know what you've spent your cut you talk on, you cut into 10% of our entire capitol."

"Man's got to gamble." Luxford said. "I really love those Vegas casinos. The babes there aren't too bad either."

"And don't forget the guys!" Xemnas said.

Everyone stared at their leader in shock, awe, or with a "What the fuck" expression.

"IS anyone listening to me!?!" Namine screamed in total desperation, hands on her crotch, legs twisted and riled up, dancing on Roxas' seat. "I'd like to leave now!"

"Please make her do." Roxas added. "She's been crushing my balls for over an hour now!"

"Wwwwwhhhhooooooooo!!!!!!" Axel said through the window. Roxas hit him with the Keyblade into the tower again.

"Don't worry Axel!" He said to himself. "I'll just run into the tower and crawl all the way back up to where I was earlier. I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it!"

Axel missed the tower.

"I WAS WRONG!!!!!" He shouted.

Everyone then stared at Roxas' seat.

"Wait…" Xigbar said. "When was Namine here? Why is she here anyway; this is for big people. Go…like do something or another. Roxas, take her someplace else, like I don't know take her to the fountain or get something to drink or…."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!!!" Namine shouted.

"You know what?" Xemnas said. "Let's just have another hour recess. And somebody get Namine out of here."

"THANK YOU!!!" She shouted.

All the Nobodies teleported and Roxas leapt down with Namine. Roxas brushed off his cloak and did some stretches, while Namine danced her heart out behind. Then she stopped suddenly, stood still for a minute, and then relaxed as her efforts to hold herself became in vain. Her face turned entirely red.

"So Namine what do you want to do for the next hour?" He asked. He then looked at her as sat there with a pool of her shame and her face red.

"Oh I get it now!!" Roxas said. "You had to go to the bathroom the whole time! That's why you couldn't sit still! It's all so obvious now! And now I'm…guessing…you don't have to go anymore."

"I hate my life; I hate my life; I hate my life." She said with embarrassment. "Why did that bitch Kairi have to go and get her heart stolen?"

"Well if she didn't," Roxas said. "I would never have had the chance to hang out with the coolest girl ever." He said.

"Aaahhhh…" She said. "That's so sweet."

"Want to check out my room?" He asked.

"Sure!" She said with delight. "Let's go!"

_Thirty minutes later. Hallways of Organization 13._

Axel had finally got out of wherever he was earlier and back into the tower. He was bruised, beaten, and just plain out tired. He was thinking about hanging out with Roxas the rest of the time and then sleeping it off with him like a hangover.

"Ugh…" He said. "All I want to do is do exactly what the last paragraph said I would."

Axel went towards Roxas's room. Roxas's room was the most normal out of the rest of the nobodies. Axel's room was Hell (Literally). Demyx's room was a large pool. Axel went over and saw Demyx sleeping in his room. He then yelled at Demyx.

"DEMYX!" HE shouted. "If you already have a pool, why did make another!?"

"It was for the lesser Nobodies." He said.

Axel looked out a window to see a bunch of Dusks playing in a swimming pool.

Axel just left and kept going forward. Xemnas's room was a giant office. Sai'xs room a bed and a giant mirror of the moon, of which Sai'x was currently worshipping. Luxford's room was a giant casino. Marluxia's looked like an Amazon rainforest. Xaldin's room was a medieval military base. Xigbar's was a military base. Zexion had a library for a room. There wasn't even a bed; he just slept on a desk. Lexasus looked like the inside of a volcano. Vexen had a science lab. Larexene's room looked like a tesla coil storage. Roxas's, Namine's, and Xion's looked normal. Axel went into Roxas's room, but then popped out almost instantly with his heart pounding.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" He shouted. "Oh my god! OH MY GOD!! MY eyes! My eyes are blinded! How can that be!?"

"What; what what!?" Sai'x asked as he saw his comrade in shock.

"The drapes don't match." Axel said in a normal tone. "I mean really if Roxas wants to have a nice tidy room, he should at least have matching drapes."

Sai'x just looked at Axel with pure disbelief. He then began to act like a lunatic, smashing his head into the wall and screaming at the top of his lungs. He then went into his room and a series of breaking and smashing noises began to follow. Axel slowly tip towed away from the hallway. While Meanwhile, Roxas and Namine, who were playing a board game when Axel bust in, just looked with confusion.

"What was that about?" Roxas asked.

"Beats me." Namine said. "I'm bored of this now."

"Me too." Roxas said. "Want to do it?"

"Hell yeah!" Namine said with excitement.

Roxas grabbed Namine and ripped off her dress while she ripped off his cloak. Roxas threw her into his bed and closed the door with his Keyblade. No one heard Namine moaning from delight thanks to Sai'xs current insanity and wreckage making.

_A Half hour later._

"Okay everyone we're back on schedule and…where's everyone else?" He asked.

He noticed that Axel, Sai'x and Roxas were missing from the group.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE ELSE!?" HE shouted.

The Nobodies shrugged their shoulders. The Nobodies then went on a search for their friends. They found Axel at a gay bar, found Sai'x in his room, hunched over in a fetal position saying over and over, "Going to my happy place! Going to my happy place!" And then found Roxas and Namine in the middle of intercourse.

"Want to see how my strike raid is Namine!?" he said on the top of his moaning.

"Oh Roxas!" She said over and over.

All the nobodies just couldn't believe what was going on.

"THAT'S IT!" Xemnas shouted. "MEETING ADJOURNED!!! WE'LL DO THIS TOMORROW!!! Oh god I need a drink."


End file.
